It hard to enjoy the time yet know that its coming to an end...to not waste a moment ...yet your heart is breaking...I'm so looking forward to going home and seeing my family, church family and friends....yet my heart is breaking for all the children, friends and needs I will leave behind....
I prayed that God would work and change my heart and life in this trip.....but maybe I didn't know how much it would hurt....but I would do it all over again, and I pray this is only the beginning of a wonderful journey in my life.
What will it be like to be home again? Will I forget everything I have learned and seen here? or will it burn in my heart? Have I changed to much to fit in where I use to? I know God has changed me, but I think it will be more apparent when I go home....I have been gone for three months....that's a long time! Will I be content with my life at home?
Then I remember the One who brought me here....who opened and closed doors.....preparing the way and preparing my heart and life to serve and live here. I know He has a plan and work for me at home, and I will be perfectly content and joyful, when I am where God wants me.
The words of Paul...
Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:11-13
Did I mention these days would be the hardest? Because they sure are! My mind and heart was spinning all day! I hold a baby and I want to cry...I hug a tia and I want to cry....I know how much I will miss these things....these are all the lasts....
When I left home, I enjoyed spending time by myself....and I was not a very emotional person....I liked my space...I was the type that said, Bye...as I ran out the door....but I have gotten so use to having people (Natasha) around all the time, it feels strange when I am all alone...I have gotten use to all the hugs and "Ecuadorian" kisses, I'm going to miss them....maybe I will just walk up and give everyone "Ecuadorian" hugs and kisses when I get back....haha it would be pretty great to see the looks on everyone's faces! I had a personal space that we Americans stick too...but that has greatly diminished in Ecuador....where you give people a cheek kiss without necessarily knowing their name...Its just part of culture...or have people stand 2 inches or less away from you on the bus....you get use to it!
What will it be like to be on a time schedule again...Ecuador has its own time...which is one reason I'm convinced God brought me here! I am one of those scheduled on time people! I have everything planned out! But in Ecuador I have learned to let things go...see how things turn out, relax, where a "just a moment" is half an hour, and come over for dinner means all afternoon/evening. Its Ecuadorian time, you just go with it!
When did I adjust to all the things that shocked me when I first got here? When did I stop staring and saying, "What are they doing?" and start laughing and saying, "nothing surprises me anymore". We are in Ecuador! When did I fall in love with this huge city? These Spanish speaking, people? This crazy life?
Yet, I have learned how precious a family is! I have one of the greatest gifts on earth, and I never realized how much it was worth! I never realized how much I loved them all! How much they all meant to me! How much of an impact my family on my life! I definitely would not be who or where I am today if not for my family. I never realized all the blessing I had growing up...all the ways that God protected and blessed me. Things that I had not even considered as being blessing, they were just part of life...but so many people live without....What will it be like to have them all again?
Yes, these days are the hardest! I don't know what has happened to me?
I am so worn out emotionally, mentally and physically! Please pray for me this last week! That I will have the strenght to finish up what He has for me to do in my last week here! It will be filled with a lot of joys, but a lot of sorrows!
Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10
The baby house if full of very sick babies! Please, please continue to pray for these precious little one! When I arrived this morning at 7 a tia was already gone to the hospital with one of the babies...the tias were so worn out and tired! Many of the babies have pneumonia! They all have fevers, coughing, raspy breathing....they are all so quiet and just sleep or lay there. As I was giving my little guy a breathing treatment, his usual smile and playfulness was gone and he just curled up in my arms and did nothing....
Later on in the morning I went with to take three babies to the doctor...I carried the littlest one who's O2 sat. was down below 40 this morning...I didn't know it could go down that low and you could live! (it is suppose to be above 90) It freaked me out, more than just a little! So I pulled along her oxygen tank behind...That brought back a lot of memories! But she is so tiny! Her breathing is so terrible, I just wanted to take all her pain, her coughing shook her whole little body! As soon as the doctor seen her, he said, she needs to go to the hospital! So when we were done, Tanya and I took the two other babies and headed back to the orphanage while the tia took the tiny princess and headed for the hospital! I have not heard how she is going yet, please pray for this little girl, she was the one that was in the hospital before. She is three months old.
When we got back is was after lunch so all the children were sleeping, the tia asked me to go eat lunch quickly then come back to help her! So off I went...then I brought back the brownies, strawberries and ice cream...for her late birthday present! But the best present of all was when I pulled up Natasha's face on skype! She loved talking to Natasha! and I rather enjoyed it myself! :)
Then babies started waking up...so I ran off to find some more help because all the babies needed breathing and congestion treatments and of course they all wanted a bottle...but most of them didn't drink too much....
By the time we were all done with babies we fed toddlers then I came home to hopefully get some much needed rest! I could really use a good night sleep!
This was my sober warning from Proverbs this morning...
Hear instruction, and be wise, and refuse it not. Blessed is the man that heareth me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my doors. For whoso findeth me findeth life, and shall obtain favour of the Lord. But he that sinneth against me wrongeth his own soul: all they that hate me love death. Proverbs 8:33-36
I can understand the turmoil in your mind and heart. Many new experiences and changes will occur in your life and being able to cope with some will not be easy. But as things change (for our seeming good or bad) remember that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. He knows and understands and can be our only comfort getting us through the difficult spots. Keep your eye on the prize. God grant you His peace and “Godspeed”. Looking forward to seeing you again. By-the-way, enjoying your posts especially as you continually focus on Christ. IN HIM, John D.
ReplyDelete