When you realize your leaving....

I have known since before I came to Costa Rica that I would be leaving. I have known since I came that I would be leaving. I have carefully watched my days and hours while here, knowing they were going quickly. But yesterday it hit me in a strange new way... I am not only leaving, but I am leaving slightly different, and leaving so much behind.

Two weeks into this journey I realized I had eaten rice and beans for breakfast nearly every day, and was a little concerned that I would get tired of them, but yesterday morning my grandma served with Pinto de Gallo with red beans instead of black and I realized that I have eaten black beans and rice nearly every day for six weeks and still look forward to them. I realized that I am leaving behind a morning routine.

When I first arrived I did not like papaya and thought "I think it is something you have to have grown up with to enjoy," but yesterday when I was eating it with my rice and beans I realized that for the first time I was actually enjoying the flavor of it.

Costa Rican cheese is nothing like Wisconsin cheese, but during breakfast I helped myself to a piece and realized that it satisfied my craving for cheese.

My taste buds have changed over the past six weeks and it makes me sad to think of leaving all of this behind. There are flavors and things that I miss from the states, but things there will also not be like they are here. What do you do when you realize you are going to be leaving a very real part of you behind in a short period.

My host mom was gone all last week for work related things, then I left on Friday for Manuel Antonio, and returned on Sunday, and my family left on Sunday and returned on Tuesday from a short vacation. So yesterday evening when I got home from a very busy day, I was so excited to see my family! We hugged and kissed and talked about everything that's happened and shared pictures and stories and I realized how much this house and family have come to feel like a home to me.

I have had hard moments and felt homesick, but I am going to leave this place that I love too. We have less than two weeks left of school, and I have started looking at my work scedule for returning home, so I know its happening. It feels both good and scary to be making plans for after I return home. I know what its like to live in the United States and be surrounded by English, and I know what its like to return from a Latin American County from being surrounded by Spanish, but that does not help, because now I am leaving a piece of my heart in one more place, and I have grown to love both Latin America and Spanish a little more.

This morning over breakfast I had the time is growing small talk with my host-sister, and she rushed to verify the truth of it with my host-mom. She did not seem to excited by the thought of Wisconsin this morning, but it is a thought that both excites me and makes me sad. This morning as I am gathering courage and comfort from my Savior through praise music, I am reminded of my hope in Him. He has a plan for my life, even if I do not know what it is, or where it will take me.

But God, when You choose

To leave mountains unmovable

Give me the strength to be able to sing

It is well with my soul

It's easy to sing

When there's nothing to bring me down

But what will I say

When I'm held to the flame

Like I am right now

I know You're able and I know You can

Save through the fire with Your mighty hand

But even if You don't

My hope is You alone

I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt

Would all go away if You'd just say the word

But even if You don't

My hope is You alone