The feelings I feel

 Sometimes its hard to express the highs and lows of studying abroad and living day to day life in another country. I love it here, I love living in this culture, I love learning and speaking Spanish, and with that comes the feeling of needing to get involved and take advantage of every moment and every opportunity. But there is human limitation and wear out. Its hard to find the balance between taking care of yourself and feeling like you are taking advantage of every opportunity.
For example, Friday I got home and was exhausted, so I rested a bit and then started working on homework. After a while I though I should venture out, but wasn't quite ready to be submerged in Spanish again, but went anyway. I went to my host grandparents house and papa cocí made me a nice cup of chai tea and we talked about government and issues in society. It was amazing to me, because this was the first really serious conversation I had about important topics that I actually partook of and understood at least 75% of what was said. He gave me some newspaper articles to read, and it was a conversation that I will never forget.

There are some things from home that I miss but don´t realize. Sunday I was at a birthday party and spotted a big birthday cake and started living for the moment I could have a bite. When I finally got that piece of cake, I took one bite and was sorely disappointing, but finished my cake anyway. I was expecting a nice firm piece of cake, with overly sweet frosting on top, but instead I was greeted with a very light cake with dulce de leche and very soft not very sweet frosting. I don't even like store bought birthday cakes that much, but my hunger for something I´ve always known to is real.

There are the frustrating conversations of needing a word and not knowing what it is, or not being able to speak in English after a long day filled with Spanish. There are the moments that I want to dive into a conversation, but am held back by the mental task of preparing for it, because its not as easy to speak in another language.

There are the moments of simply not understanding the culture. Even when I understand every word spoken, I have to remind myself that there is a layer of culture between me and them that I would need a lot more time to learn.

There are highs and lows, but I am incredibly grateful for each one, because God is so good and He is teaching me, growing me, and preparing me for the next stages of my life even if I do not know what that is. Being here is giving me more time to think, to relax, to slow                                                      down, to enjoy the things around me, and to trust God.

Maria and I discovered this little river on our walk home from school on Friday, it is a hidden gem that reminded me just how blessed I am to be here, and God is always with me.

In my distress I cried unto the Lord, and he heard me. Psalm 120:1