Through the Fire

45 days before departure.......

As I am preparing to go I find myself struggling......

with besetting sins

with discouragement

with feeling Gods presence

and as I cry out to God and wonder what is going on here? I haven't struggled with some of these things for quite sometime now....where is God in all of this? Don't you think God would feel closer and closer as I prepare to leave on "faith"?

Its as if Satan just keeps whispering to me.....

           Fear 

           Belittlement 
           Guilt 

But I am not going for my own personal advancement, enjoyment, or pleasure,  so why am I going?

Because God has given me the desire to.....
           Draw closer to my Savior, and I believe He will teach me and draw me closer to Himself though this.
           Serve Him outside of my own realm of living, not because I have much to give but because He has given me much!
            Minister and bless children, all of them bare wounds and scars that my Lord Jesus can heal!
           Because this is His will for me! 

But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God. Acts 20:24

So is it just my flesh getting in the way?

           Am I overly tired? 

           Am I overwhelmed?

           Am I taking the necessary time to seek God? 

Is it just me? I don't doubt God! I know whom I have believed! I don't doubt this is His will, I have seen His hand at work preparing me before I ever even heard of this orphanage! But why suddenly when I am drawing closer, seeking Gods face even more to prepare me, and my heart to do the will of the Father there, do I feel like I might be consumed by my own struggles?

What really is going on here? Is it more than just me?

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12

Could it really be that it is Satan flinging arrows and darts at me?

And the LORD said unto Satan, From whence comest thou? And Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it. Job 2:2

Well it does seem as though he has nothing better to do.....
He would try anything to prevent Gods work, to prevent us from being faithful to Gods calling, and to draw us away from God!

Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices. 2 Corinthians 2:11

So we should not only be expecting his attack but preparing to face it as well.

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Ephesians 6:10-13

How do we prepare for or overcome this attach?

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. Psalm 119:105

Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee. Psalm 119:11

Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; Ephesians 6:14-18

So God knew that Satan would attach and He has given us the tools we need to overcome Him. Though the day to day battles may be a bit discouraging, we can be encouraged by the fact that God has already won the war! It is through prayer and the Word of God that Christ gives us victory in this life!

So once again I will take up my cross and follow my Savior! Know that He does all things well, He allows this trying of our faith for our own good! Even in the darkest moment He is by our side, watching over us, not allowing us to be tried above what we are able to bear!

Behold, I go forward, but he is not there; and backward, but I cannot perceive him: On the left hand, where he doth work, but I cannot behold him: he hideth himself on the right hand, that I cannot see him: But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold. Job 23 8-10